This post is part of the “Settling America” series. For more posts in this category, click here.

It’s been around a century that America has had it’s National Park system (thanks to Teddy Roosevelt). A man who truly appreciated the beauty and wonder of this great country of ours, our Teddy Bear began an important mission of preserving the wonder and glory of North America. I can only imagine that he had wonderful dreams of wild game running through the streams of Yosemite, adventurers enjoying the beauty of Yellowstone, and young men in cow costumes and ill fitting suits enjoying the beauty of the natural arches of Arches National Park. We are proud torch bearers of the former President’s great vision. I have always fancied myself the embodiment of Presidential wanderlust/glory/stature/intensity and now know after my time settling Arches National Park that I am the embodiment of history, love, and can-do-it-ism.

Game Recap

Sam’s Take: The fact that such a woman as Rebecca “Kansas” Wilson can create a winning streak against such a savvy player (Me) and such a black hearted, soul-less, Cleveland Indian loving, Rock-N-Roll Hall of Faming Toting, Great Lake supporting degenerate (Phil) is both disheartening and frightening for the youth of America. Not enough time and thought is devoted to the development of the children of this country. With such tyrants as Phil and Kansas marching about these lands I am left with little faith in the positive rearing of the young minds and bodies of this great country of ours. Conspiracy theorists shout about the Fluoride levels in the water, the chem trails left behind by airplanes, and the undocumented birth of our President….all of these are mere quibbles in comparison to the fact that such false, foolish and fragile people are left ruling Catan. I can only hope that brighter days are ahead. For at this point all that I see is the steady fall of an endless winter.

Phil’s Take: Before the game, Sam repeatedly tried to take advantage of my attire. I was wearing treadless dress shoes and Sam chose to lead us through the most dangerous and snow-covered trails in an obvious attempt to injure my dice-rolling hand. See for yourselves:

But he was unsuccessful – I have excellent balance. In the world of Catan, I got off to a good start, taking up residence in Sheeptown and accumulating large amounts of wool. As the game progressed, I became the victim of a malicious alliance between Sam and Kansas and the robber was repeatedly placed on Sheeptown, cutting off all access. Kansas took this one and I must say that I am truly happy as long as Sam does not win the game.

An elder park ranger stumbled across our adventure through the majesty of Arches National Park. Life had become a bit stale and redundant. A mild case of gout and a consistently fickle prostate had begun to dampen the spirits of this proud member of our nation’s park ranger service. Day in and day out he had seen people driving through, snapping their photos, taking hikes and absorbing the beauty of the surroundings. Our ranger friend barely noticed the natural beauty which was his office anymore. After his encounter with our travelling heroes, the shock of this strange event caused him to pause and think for just a moment. We speak about sparks that change our lives, this was such a moment for our friend. The pause and thought, led him to close his eyes, take in a deep breath, and as he exhaled he looked again onto the beauty that surrounded him. The vibrant reds against the pure white of the fallen snow reminded him of his youth. That day he came with his father and grandfather, first seeing the majesty of one of our nations most beautiful national parks. The awe that filled his spirit that day once again rushed back into his mind and body. He blinked away a few tears, rubbing the goosebumps from his arms as a smile slowly grew beneath his whiskers. A few happy travelers had helped to change his day, his life for the better. We ask for no compensation. His smile, his story, his dreams are all the reward we need.

This post is part of the “Settling America” series. For more posts in this category, click here.

We have been away from the game we love for a few days now. We have crossed through the entirety of Illinois into the fertile lands of my grandmother’s birth, Missouri (or Mizzurah if you asked her). With a stop at Pappy’s Smokehouse in St. Louis for absolutely mind blowing brisket, ribs and more (thanks for the tip Megan), we traveled on to beautiful Neodesha, KS. Phil and I have been able to overcome the underhanded way he plays the game and his own envy for my skills at leading Catan to find ourselves in good spirits on the journey thus far (note from phil: this is complete bullshit). We make a stop at my friend Rebecca’s house (known as Kansas). After an evening of drinks, pizza, traffic tickets, and deep, emotional questioning from the Wilson family, we hopped into the car (Kansas in tow) and got on the road.

Shifty cops with quick trigger fingers on radar guns caused for a less than pleasant addition to an already less than pleasant olfactory experience in Western Kansas, so we were happy to make our way into the mountains of Colorado. A few days, and a few games of Catan, awaited us in the beautiful hills of Crested Butte, CO with a dear friend Emily and her roomies. I think Phil is sure to claim altitude sickness for his performances.

Sam’s Take: A swift and decisive victory. Two new players and a consistently predictable Phil made this yet another example of my consistent dominance of these lands. On that note I begin the first of many post victory Sam ramble fests. I don’t know what’s going on with my beloved Diamondbacks. Willie Bloomquist? Geoff Blum? Melvin Mora? All fine moves for a team looking to add those vital last pieces to a playoff team looking for some veteran leadership at the end of the bench. This team though? 600 combined AB’s for Mora and Blum at the hot corner? 550 plus for Xavier Nady. Even in 2005 I wouldn’t be excited about that, let alone in 2011. I’ll follow my boys to the end of it all, and I’ll happily go to sleep each night with the memories of the 2001 World Series dancing in my head, but Mr. Towers you have to give me more than this. It’s tough being a fan when it is late January and the two things I’m most excited about for the season are the new stadium near Talking Stick Casino for Spring Training and having the 3rd and 7th picks in the June amateur draft. Prove me wrong Mr. Bloomquist…prove me wrong.

Phil’s Take: This game was a real boondoggle. Sam’s arrogance is astonishing. He ignored the details of this game to talk about the pathetic Arizona Diamondbacks because his victory depended on deception and treachery. As per usual, Sam tried to take advantage of inexperienced players. An expert manipulator, Sam was able to play Kansas off of Emily, amassing their respective ore and wheat supplies and only offering measly pieces of timber in return. I wouldn’t be surprised if these two lovely ladies never want to play Catan again – a tragedy that would forever weigh on Sam’s conscience, if he had one. This game was an absolute disaster.

Phil’s Take: Game 2 was worth celebrating. Kansas won this game by creating an intercontinental highway with settlements throughout. A true victory, earned through blood and sweat. If Sam had won this game with his patented tactics of dishonesty, a brawl would have been likely. Kansas’ victory came just in time.

Sam’s Take: I feel sick. As happy as I am that someone besides Phil won this game, the slow pace and drawn out turns made this a drawn out and painful exercise. It was late…my numbers weren’t hitting and my mind was focused on the trip to Moab the next day. Making excuses? Hardly…just setting the record straight about the circumstances surrounding this game. Congratulations to Kansas on her victory, it was well earned.

Lives Changed:

I’m going to have to say the life of Kansas will never be the same. The kind of confidence that a victory against two great masters of Catan instills in a person can’t be quantified. The world had opened up to Kansas. The options are limitless. Everyone needs that little push to get their life on track. This was that moment for Kansas. We are happy to be a part of taking life to the next level, one person at a time. That is our goal day in and day out and we hope to bring that same magic to your life soon. Godspeed Kansas. Godspeed to you all.

Preview of the next stop, Arches National Park, Utah:

This post is part of the “Settling America” series. For more posts in this category, click here.

From the cockpit of the Sasquatch, Northern Indiana was soul-destroying. In Chicago, blasted by colder-than-northern-Ohio air, we were soon warmed by burritos, a regional beer selection, and two games of Catan in a friend’s apartment. I’ll be honest, we did not give Chicago a fair shake on this trip. We only spent a night there on our race to the desert. That said, Sam and I have visited Chi-town before and we are familiar with its greatness.

We played two games of Settlers of Catan at my friend Tom’s apartment. Tom was on a different mental plane, but he picked up the game fast and came to enjoy it despite losing twice.

Game 1 Recap

Sam’s Take:I’ll be as brief as I can be. Gloating is unnecessary. A champion is a person who acts like a winner when they win and when they lose. Thankfully for me, I win more often than I lose. My competitors for the title of Grand Chancellor of Catan attempted to alter my view of the world in which we were attempting to settle, but my mind was not to be taken away from it’s ultimate goal. With a quick run to hills of ore and wheat, I was able to upgrade my settlements to cities quickly. The longest road followed as I made sure, that like any good player, I was consistently active in my creation of roads and settlements and collection of development cards (from this point forward simply called DC’s). Tom showed a valiant effort for his first time, and was able to quickly pick up on the duplicitous nature of his “friend” Phil. Phil is a good man with a rotten core when it comes to Catan. He would gladly trade his own mother for an extra sheep and wheat. Good prevailed and a new Catan enthusiast was cultivated. I did my part and celebrated accordingly.

Phil’s Take: Horse manure. Sam’s recollection of this game is poor. I don’t remember a “quick run to hills of ore and wheat.” I do remember a series of underhanded trades that took advantage of Tom’s naivety. This is no fault of Tom’s – he is new to the game. Sam baited Tom with small amounts of brick, a resource that was becoming increasingly valueless as the game progressed. “Tom, listen, with this brick you are halfway to building a road. How good does that sound?” What Sam failed to mention was that Tom was building a road to nowhere and roads in themselves provide 0 victory points. Some of the trades were so asinine that I am starting to think Sam was passing actual legal tender to Tom under the table. This game was a sham.

Game 2 Recap

Phil’s Take: The second game reflected a return to normalcy. I won by securing the longest road and largest army. Tom was no longer naive about the game’s objectives, and Sam was unable to exploit him. Nonetheless, Sam continued to pursue his trades of deception in an attempt to duplicate the results of the first game. His efforts were pathetic and Tom (who also lost the match) and I both felt sorry for him after the game. In the morning Sam drove recklessly and cursed several times at Nuvia (our gps system) – symptoms of the humiliation he suffered the night before.

Sam’s Take: I’m a bit hungover after this game. Not from the copious beers that Phil and Tom kept feeding me in order to deter my quest for back to back domination of the fertile hills of Catan, but from the fact that I was so easily led astray of my usual game plan. Complacency is the only way to make sense of my defeat in this match. Part of me wanted to see Tom get a win just to put a smile on his face, a face long beleaguered by the backstabbing ways of his co-Ohioan, Phil. My mind was a bit focused on the road and on the couch that awaited me that evening. I’m happy Phil won because it would only make the road trip that much more difficult if I was subjected to his poor temperament after yet another defeat. Strategy is always on my mind. While it may sometimes lead to the loss of a competent leader for the people of Catan it allows for that leader to rejuvenate his soul prior to his inevitable return to power. A happy leader is a strong leader.

Tom’s for sure. Everyone introduced to Catan experiences an awakening typified by euphoric fainting spells. Upon receiving his first wheat harvest, Tom fell forward and nearly destroyed his coffee table.

I would say we changed our own lives as well. Things have been tense between me and Sam since our first game of Catan. I have been highly critical of Sam’s driving and the poor gas mileage of the Sasquatch. He has been increasingly annoyed by my persistent illness (I have self-diagnosed myself with bronchitis and mono). While passing through Northern Indiana, Sam nearly drove the car off the road when a loogie I spit out the window reentered the car, covering the interior and later drying on the passenger seatbelt.

You’d think splitting two games of Catan with a win each would send us on the path to reconciliation. Instead, it has only caused the divide to grow deeper. I fear for the future of our friendship. Dark days lie ahead.

Photo credit: midiman

This post is part of the “Settling America” series. For more posts in this category, click here.

Location: Panera Bread Company, Amherst, Ohio

Our journey begins in Amherst, Ohio where we meet up with Katrina, a long-time friend of Phil’s, over some Garden Vegetable Pesto soup (or something like that) and some other light fare from Panera. Patrons were mostly receptive and excited at our arrival. We were told to stop filming immediately, but the manager was intrigued herself.

We played until seven victory points (normally you play to ten) because we needed to get to Chicago.

Game recap:

Phil’s Take: This game got heated early with the “longest road” card changing hands several times. Sam was arrogant and playing foolishly throughout. Katrina, playing for the first time, picked up the game quickly and was making Sam look like he didn’t belong at the same table as us. I sealed the win after I picked up the longest road card.

Sam’s take: The first word that comes to mind in regards to this game is “tainted.” 7 points? What an embarrassing beginning to an epic journey. I’m not ashamed that I didn’t win this game, I’m ashamed that the good people of Amherst, Ohio were subjected to this bastardization of Catan. Phil winning was appropriate as the game was a farce as are his skills. Well done Katrina, well done people of Amherst, well done Panera bread company of greater Northern Ohio, you are the real winners here. You stayed classy in the midst of a less than ideal situation. Let us never speak of the “Sloppy 7” ever again.

Lives Changed:

As a man who knows about changing lives I can honestly tell you that this was a special day. Phil and I have made it our personal mission to change the lives of every man, woman, child and beast that we cross paths with in our lives. After experiencing our game in Panera, a man in his early thirties returned home to his wife. Their marriage failing, her drinking getting a bit out of control, they had little in common anymore and even less desire to attempt to bridge their divide.

None the less, over their typical dinner of frozen lima beans, Giant Eagle brand Mac and Cheese and under toasted toast the man brought up what he saw that day. The woman was stunned to hear of the absurdity of the events that took place during her husbands usually boring lunch break. Memories of that time they stayed at a bed and breakfast in Wisconsin and woke to the mooing of cows each morning and how they had overdressed (her husband wearing a suit and tie) to go get Grand Slams at Dennys rushed back into her mind. She smiled, ever so slightly, the first smile that had been shared in that household for a long time. After many long hours of tantric love making, a marriage was saved.